Dating sucks in 2018

Let’s say you’re at the gas station in the rain and sexy-ish silver fox offers to pump your gas. 

It’s cold outside and you accept the assist. He asks your name and you tell him. He comments on how you drive a nice car. And you smile because you agree. Then he asks you out on Saturday night. You don’t have anything going on and you haven’t been on a date in a while. 

And did I mention that he’s cute? Stylish and smells good. What could possibly go wrong? 

EVERYTHING. 

 1. Dude is boring.  He asked me what type of work did I do? I said, I’m a writer and a salesperson.

He said he doesn’t have time to read. My face turned to stone. The last thing you should ever say to a human — especially one who writes — is I don’t have time to read.

I could almost hear my sister telling me to stop being judgmental. But when do I listen to my sister? 

2. He’s a Carolina Panthers fan. Dude, you 50. You are not loyal. Then he started defending Cam Newton’s sexism.   Well, you guess how that worked out for him. Not fucking well. I picked up my smartphone with the intention of showing him the video of my episode with Cam. Then my group text started popping. So I responded. He said I was being rude. He had no idea what rude was. 

So, I put my phone back inside my purse and smiled while he talked about some shit that I didn’t want to hear. And then while he was in mid-sentence, talking about himself, I stood up and excused myself to the bathroom. We were having sushi and I love sushi. 

I had two rolls. I can easily eat ten. I headed toward the bathroom, I made a quick left and headed out the door. 

I got into my nice car, started it up, block his number and burned rubber out the parking lot. 

From now own, I’ll pump my own damn gas.